when panic rules

I am one of the most direction blind person I know. I've never got to drive to any new place right the first time around. Of course I know left and right but they cease to have meanings when I panic. My panic is also the worst kind, the kind that doesn't show. It's all inside, raging and running amok, taking over any self-control I have.

I have just realized this recently in a karate training. The sempai was trying to get me to do the four-move-kata (move), which is actually a simple sequence of moves: half-turn left, full-turn right until you come back to the original position. But I could never get it right because of the panic I felt inside. Coupled with the hands movements, I was a goner.

Then the sempai did a one on one with me. He walked me through the moves step by step, repeatedly until I got them right. It is strange that once I got them right, I never got them wrong anymore. Direction blind or not, they become like a second skin to me.

It was then when I realized that it was really panic that hindered me from knowing my directions well. I'm also beginning to see that panic plays a great role in keeping me from being effective in everything I do. When I panic, all hell break loose and I stop functioning. I'm glad I know now because it makes a lot of difference on the way I live my life...