Separation Anxiety?

I'm flying back home in two days. On my own. After a few years of always having a little one tagging behind me. Part of me is looking forward to that. It would be good, for once, to be free. To not to have to worry about another little person's needs and wants. And yet, another part of me is worried. All the 'what ifs' start playing in my head. What if the little one (who is actually 5) couldn't sleep because mom is not around? What if the girls forgot to get their school uniforms washed? or forgot their homeworks? What if dad forgot to watch the time and pick them up late from school?

I know I really should stop this worrying. I need this time away from everyone to take care of things back home, as well as to recharge. But being a mom, one just can't help but worry. As the little one gets more and more anxious every night, I too get more and more worried. Perhaps this will stop once I'm on board of the plane, making myself comfortable to endure the 5 hr journey with a nice paperback to enjoy. I do hope so...

Little Treasures from big hearts

I am beginning to enjoy mother's day more and more each year. As the kids grow, the more they emphasize the concept 'pamper mom' which suits me so well. My excited ones started my morning showering me with their handmade cards and carefully chosen gifts from the mother's day stall at school. Everyone wanted to be the first whose present to be opened I had to do mee nee mee nee my nee mo in order to be fair...Impatiently they waited for me to unwrap the gifts. My 'ohs' and 'ahs' over each gift were enough to make each kid jump with joy. Oh how I love looking at their faces when I told them I loved each gift dearly. Little N gave me a pir of warm white and green woolen socks. A gave me a mug that she painstakingly decorated for days at school, to be used as pen-stand, a little white tablecloth for my altar and two bracelets. S gave me a very nice mug for drinking my green tea. All of them were put to use right away...I am now cosily sitting at the desk drinking green tea, with my feet all warmed up by the pair of brand new woolen socks, and my pencil/pens are neatly put in the 'super mum' mug. Thank God for children...how can I not love them so despite their occasional monsterness?

(p/s- and someone gave me a Latin Workout CD that is just perfect to help me achieve my goal:-))

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day – Anonymous

Celebrating the meaning of Mother's day.

"Happy Mother's Day" means more
Than have a happy day.
Within those words lie lots of things
We never get to say.
It means I love you first of all,
Then thanks for all you do.
It means you mean a lot to me,
And that I honor you.
But most of all, I guess it means
That I am thinking of
Your happiness on this, your day,
With pleasure and with love

His First Step to Independence

Little N had a bus ride without Mom or Dad for the first time today. His class started their school swimming lesson and being in pre-primary, the kids get to participate. I know that each and everyone of the PP kids' moms was worried (slightly or worried sick, depending on how independent one perceives her kid is) this morning, yours truly included. We were all wondering if our own 5-year olds would be able to undressed/dress themselves successfully. Well, at home they do it, when they don't purposely want Mom to do it for them of course. But this is in public, under a different, somewhat 'stressful' situation.

'The Dad' said to let him be, but this Mom felt so uneasy she had to go to the pool to make sure the little one was fine. Not surprisingly, moms were hanging around in the pool for this first lesson. "Just to make sure he/she's ok", we kept reassuring one another.

The schoolbus arrived with this bunch of kids, all ready in their swimming costumes and bags. Thumbs up, darlings. You all didn't even need moms to undress you. Contrary to the moms' anxiety, the kids were excited. Came end of lesson, moms were redundant, esp the little boys' moms, as moms were not allowed in the men's changeroom anyway. The teachers efficiently took control of them.

Anxiously I waited outside of the change room. I kept wondering if N would remember our little rehearsal of how to dry yourself properly, and how to put on each item of clothing correctly the night before. Other moms were in the same predicament. We kept glancing at the door, hoping that the next kid out was hers, ready to fix collar, and pants.

Little N was among the last to come out. He looked clean and neat and he managed to put his wet things in a plastic bag successfully! Later I learned that he actually showered himself, although the teacher said they didn't have to if they didn't want to. Phew, now I can breathe easy, knowing that in the remaining 9 days of swimming lesson he is quite capable of taking care of himself. Well done, little man :-) Proud of you.

of adolescence and nail polish

Another sigh. My girl is all grown up. Today she spent the gift card received on her birthday on books (as usual) and nail polish. Nail polish? Yup, nail polish. We had a bit of disagreement on the color. The sweetie wanted black and I was horrified! (No way!) She demanded one good reason why she can't use a black nail polish. And I blurted "because it's so like cult!".

My, my...I wonder why I am so set against her choosing that color. I'm not really that negative when others apply black nail polish, but I just can't take it when it comes to my own 'little girl'. In the end, she compromised by choosing blue...after much mutterings and complainings.

I wonder if I am just old fashion. Or whether it is normal for a mom to be against certain things like a black nail polish. After all she's only an adolescent who needs guidance...Gosh, much that I want to be a liberal mom who lets her kids think and decide on their own, I know that there are just certain boundaries that I won't let them cross. Despite believing this though, I still get confused by a lot of parenting-related stuffs. Whoever did say parenting is a piece of cake?

Guilt of a studying mom (July 2007)

Here I am at 5am trying to read Optimality Theory. My babe is asleep on my feet, all wrapped up in a thick blanket. Looking at him, an enormous guilt sweep over me. I know he is 4 years old, and in some families, he would have been an independent little man. But not this one…he is my "stick-on". For some reason, perhaps being the youngest, he is still unable to wean himself from mom. I know he tries hard sometimes…three days in a row last week he did try to sleep in another room with his sisters, but they always ended up sending him back to me because he made too much noise. Often in the middle of the night when I left him sleeping on the bed, he will come looking for me in the study, all teary eyes and complaining "I want to sleep, but I just don’t know why I can’t". I’m often torn between him and my studies. I’m here to study, and I have to get this done on time. And yet I feel like I’m neglecting my children’s need, him especially. God let me finish soon…let me have enough time to do things with my children. Let me grow up with them and see them unfold…Meanwhile, I’m so sorry little one, you’ll just have to continue sleeping on my feet while I try to digest these theories…

My momhood turns 11

*Sigh*. Can hardly believe it. My eldest girl, Sandra, is turning 11 in 3 days. How time flies. How does a mom for 11 years act, I wonder? Should I feel old? Nah, don't want to feel that. I still enjoy my internet activities- in fact more than ever. What with Facebook and whatnot. Anyway, I'm organizing two birthday celebrations for Sandra. One at the pool with her classmates. Another at the park with close family friends. She's been busy preparing lolly bags and stuffs :-). That's one good thing when they are older- they do many things on their own. Even write their own invites. Much that I'm busy with my work, I can't deny her the pleasure of celebrating early teenhood. It's indeed a milestone- "having lived now for a full decade", in her own words. And I have been a mom for a full decade too. Yup, I should celebrate...so this weekend, parties to celebrate a decade of life and momhood...