Durian! Durian!

Never been much fan of durians...all because my first memory of eating durian was that it gave me a chest pain (reflux?). That, and also throughout the years I've grown to dislike the smell. It's just too strong it could give me a headache sometimes. But yesterday was an exception. My family had a gathering with our friends that we haven't met for months. C and C have a fruit orchard so they brought durians and mangosteens for us. Instead of running away from the durians this time, I sat with them, too engrossed in the talking, and later admiring the way they all seem to enjoy the durian session. It gets more interesting when they talked about the different type of durians- the bitter durians, the honey durians, the 'teka' (or whatever it is :-)). Curiousity took over. I was tempted to taste a bit of the flesh of different colours, and waited for the chest pain to come. It didn't :-) Meaning I had taken just nice, not too much of durians this time. I am still not very comfortable with the smell...but around good friends, I am willing to bear it!

Old friends are like wine...

Ah, it's good to be back. Can't believe I've been that busy...preparing exam papers for the short semester, harvest festival with the family at kampung (and that always means some wedding to attend), attending a conference and...I think a lot more. But the conference which was in Kuching gave me a chance to catch up with my good friend, Lilly.

Three days spent at Lilly's was just heaven. Having last met her in 2004, we had so much to talk about that the three days seemed so short. As I was boarding my plane at Kuching airport, the adage "old friends are like wine..." popped up in my mind, and I suddenly realized how very true that is.

I remember how the friendship progressed...from being colleagues, to being housemates, to being soul sisters. We know each others' weaknesses and strengths, and accept each other as we are. We find comfort sharing each others' stories of pain and pleasure. We encourage each other to be strong and try to do the right thing. We understand each other without having to explain anything. Even from a distance, when we have stopped corresponding regularly, we know we are at each others' hearts.

Old friends like Lilly is definitely like wine. The longer they are, the better they become. I feel blessed, knowing that I have a few like her.

Celebrating friendship (yet again)

As I was browsing through the poems by Nicholas Gordon (http://www.poemsforfree.com/me.html)today, I found this one that reflects how much I feel about my friends:

I do not see you often with my eyes
I do not see you often with my eyes,
But often you are with me in my heart.
We rarely speak, but there are deeper ties
That keep us close while we must be apart.
Friendships don't depend on sights and sounds,
But on the mysteries of need and grace.
You're with me always, unrestrained by bounds,
In some sweet field more permanent than place.
And so your marriage is a widespread glory,
Shining on a world of more than two.
All the characters in your life story
Share the happiness that's come to you.
No love but must with all love intertwine:
The joy between you two is also mine.

I must say the collection of poems the author has is just amazing. A man of wisdom he must be...

Easter Reflection

As tradition goes, Easter is a new beginning. In a way it is leaving behind all the bad habits of the past, and turn a new leaf.

My Easter reflection seems to revolve around friendship this year. I've been thinking of all the good friends I've made over the years since I was in primary school till present. I don't make friends easily. I just don't know how. But when I do, the friendships tend to last.

My primary school friendships, perhaps, were the shy, tentative types. The friends that I've known then, when they last to the present, are the type I always think as the 'have fun' one. They were fun to be with, just as what every primary school kid needed. That impression stuck :-)

Secondary school friends form another category, the 'discovery stage' friends. Most friends that last from this stage are those who once shared my discoveries about self, spirituality, politics etc. My longest, deepest friendship that is with B started from this stage. Once together in a boarding school, and on to university, we have shared a lot as best friends. Now in our own ways, the bond remains strong as ever. I'm grateful to have found such a rare friendship. I've lost contact with some friends from this 'discovery stage', but in my heart, all their wonderful qualities remain.

The university friends seem to be in the 'growing up' category. It seems to have been a stage where so much good fun was spent, so many friends met. I regret to say that I've also lost touch with so many of them.

Working life brought on another type of friendship. It is what I call the 'thick and thin' friendship. The friends I've made at this stage are indeed precious. Some started from uni days and they are even more special. At this stage, one learns that life is all about hardships and little fun, and how the hardships seem so much lighter with the presence of wonderful people who understand. At this stage, friendships naturally divided into core and periphery types. The core forms the 'thick and thin' group, people who share much more than just work problems, who know me inside and out and accept me for what I am. Those who will faithfully defend me and back me up any time. Those who will laugh and cry with me, even run away with me when I want to. I feel blessed to have these friends in my life.

Then I grew a bit more and started another type of friendship, the 'family friends' type. Separate from work, these people I found are wonderful in every way. With them I can have good times like family picnics, movies and foods, I can talk crazy or wisdom, etc. Not less precious, these are the newest friends in my life. Perhaps these people are wisdom :-) since I've known them only at the age that I should start searching for wisdom. Needless to say, I'm blessed to have met them all.

In my journey of life, people come and go. Most of them I treasure greatly. I still do.

The heart remembers...

Two days ago was one of my best girl friends, L's birthday. She turned 36, but in my heart she is always the 25 year old girl I first met at work. We went to the same uni as undergraduates. I was a year ahead, in a different faculty, but I've seen her a few times hanging out with my fellow statemen. My impression of her then was, "this is one bold, intelligent lady". Always asking good questions during seminars, she did portray that impression.

Fate had it that we were to be colleagues at work, at a newly formed institution in my homeland. She being the foreigner, adapted to the local cultures very well. I got to know her better, and I began to see her much more than just the 'bold, intelligent lady' that was my first impression. She IS a beautiful lady, in and out. She fought for injustice at the office, no matter how that brought her the label 'rebellious'.

Then we went to do our MA in the same uni that we went to as undergraduates. We became housemates, and I saw more aspects of her that are indeed impressive. To top her other qualities, she is also extremely generous. While earning a meagre tutor's salary, she supported her brother who studied in a private college. To cut a long story short, we faced many moments together, both good and bad. She married her sweetheart, and had her first baby, J, who's very precious to us, her family and friends. Other friends and I shared the moments of her labour and her joy when J was born. In the last hours of pain, she was still at the computer getting an assignment done!

When we were done with the MA, we went back to work at the same institution, and she generously offered me a roof over my head. Since both our hubs were still finishing their studies, I gladly lived with her together with my 2-year old daughter and a live-in helper. When I gave birth to my second daughter without hubby by my side, she was there to give me the much needed moral support. The birth date of my second daughter coincidently is the same as her first son's, and so we have another reason to bond stronger.

Trials after trials came our way, and we strongly stood to face them together. With her I once shared this analogy:(there's a group of us at work who became really close after all the years). It was like we linked our hands to go up and down this unknown mountain, and whenever one of us fell over, the rest never let go. Instead we stuck together through thick and thin.

Then it was time for her to leave for her homeland. It was such a sad moment for me. I was losing a best friend, who's also a sister. It has been years now since she left, and I am now in another country. But indeed, the heart remembers...sometimes I regret not being there physically for her when she faced trials, like she was there for me when I thought there was no more hope in life. No matter what, L, I love you always. I pray for you when I pray, and I wish you happiness no matter where you are.