"Forgiveness will set you free"

Sometime ago I saw these words written at one of my friends' status in FB. I like them a lot. Once a while they come back to haunt me and I always end up in a reflective mode. At some point of our lives, we need to forgive. Sometimes grave sometimes light, the nature of the events that need forgiving vary, but the effect of forgiveness is always the same: it results in peace and joy.

We might not even realize that we need to forgive, until we are too weary we can't take it anymore. Then we start to be bitter, and resentful, and angry, and we'll start to age before our time, because all these emotions are heavy to carry. I guess that's why forgiveness sets you free, because letting go of these emotions means getting rid of the heavy burden.

Through the years I've come to my own conclusion of what forgiveness means. It simply means "being able to look back at the event without feeling the pain". There's a joy in that. And definitely peace...

Dealing with wound (2)

The prodigal father is coming back. After 10 years. He didn't even bother to ask about his two sons before, let alone send them money. Well to be fair, maybe he did send some money for a few months. But that was it. He didn't initiate any contact with them. No words to let them know he cares. Now he is coming back, believing he is a changed man. Yup, he is a changed man judging from his speech- it was all tinted with strange twangs and accents...but other than that, I don't know what else has changed.

He is upsetting the applecart. The two sons are already comfortable living their lives without him. Now he is stirring old painful memories, opening up old wounds. Why oh why does he have to do that?

The humane side of me says it might be a necessary step to complete healing for the sons. Maybe facing him again will give them a new perspective and help them to forgive. Maybe it will give them a chance to express their long supressed emotions...

I have no right to judge the prodigal father. He might be a product of some kind of childhood abuse himself, to have caused him do what he did. But as a human being, as someone who cares deeply for the two sons, I wish he could just stay where he is...There were times in the past I wished that he was dead. I don't wish any harm on him anymore but deep down, I still can't accept what he did and what he is intending to do...

Dealing with wound (1)

My heart bleeds for two people that I care deeply about. When they were really young, they were victims of physical and emotional abuse from a person that they vaguely remember as their father. The younger of the two doesn't remember much. The only thing that puzzles him is why he gets a cold feet when looking at knives. He asked me tonight what happened that made him that way. Fighting tears, I told him truthfully that the person they once called Dad once too often threatened them-he, his brother, and his mother with knives. Threatened to hurt them, or even to kill them. He finally understood why and opened up- he told me how his brother told him what he remembers. Only bad memories of being beaten up and shouted at and nothing much. The younger one finally understood that his parents split for a reason that was a matter of life and death.

The brother doesn't express his feelings at all. He avoids talking and going out as much as he can. The computer is his consolation. He prefers that to socializing. He seems to want to shut everyone out which is really painful. I wish he would talk, and let go. But how do you make a 15 year old open up? He is a sensitive person, a good person basically, but a very wounded one. His surface appearance is very misleading. He looks happy and normal, and his good looks does him good. But I can feel that deep down he is a mess. How I want to pull him out of that mess. How I want to see him laugh without reservation. How I want him to be happy like he deserves to.