Making sense of Martians and Venusians (part 1)

Yes, I've heard of John Gray's "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" most talked-about book since it was first out in 1992. But I couldn't be bothered to read it then. For one thing, I wasn't in a serious relationship- I mean I wasn't married. And I was young and silly...but I'm glad I had the chance to read it, finally, after all these years. Apparently being too idle since he has been apart from the family, hubby bought one, read it, liked it and made me read it. I'm glad I did because I have been much enlightened by the book. I thought I'd share some knowledge here...

The first point I learnt is that men and women deal with problems in ways too different that they often cause great miscommunication between the genders. Men, when they have problems, prefer to be on their own, while women want to talk and be comforted. Not just by anyone- mostly from their partners.

A girl friend lamented to me, "my husband has stopped talking to me. He works long hours, hardly ever sees the family, and yet when he is home, he prefers to watch the TV or read the newspapers. I feel so neglected. Like he doesn't care anymore, even when I'm not well. Maybe he wants me to die so he can marry someone else..."

If I hadn't read the book, I might have judged the husband in the same way she does, but I'm thankful that I have. I have learned that doing little things like watching TV and reading the newspapers are actually ways for a man to solve his problems. He has to be on his own until he finds the solutions to all his problems. This would be the most painful stage for his partner, because the man would be oblivious to the partner's need for caring. (Wives, tell me if you have never experienced this...) Once he has found his solutions, he would be back to his normal self, like nothing has ever happened. Hmm, annoying but it looks like we wives have to live with it. I am now deducing that if a husband doesn't talk for a long time, he might have great problems that he's trying to solve...and not because he has stopped caring.

Women, on the other hand, solve their problems by talking and expecting to be comforted. So when the wife talks about things like other people's problem, complaint about the mess in the house, how bad her day was etc, (which would definitely sound like nagging to the husband), she is in need of caring. A little hug and some comforting words will do the job. She doen't need the husband to solve her problems; just to listen.

I was amazed at how true these are. The next time my girl friend laments about such things, I think I'll know what to say. Most importantly, the next time my man goes to his cave, I'll remember his need to be alone, and wait patiently till he comes out of the cave, even though I know such time is always painful...