This too shall pass

I don't remember when was the first time I encountered this proverb. Maybe when I was young and was struggling to acquire English as a second or third language. Somehow it stuck. And many a time, it gives me consolation. The time when I felt sad because I didn't do very well in my exam, or the time when I had a difficult stage in friendship and relationship, or when somebody upset me so much to the point of crying. I'd recite the words like a mantra, and true enough, the bad time would pass.

I hang on to the words again, as I endure a stage of discomfort in my present life. 13 days post-operation. Comfortable enough to read, do some computer work and prepare light meal, but still unable to walk as fast as I would rather walk. And still dreaming of doing Latin dance (my form of exercise) every Friday with colleagues of same hobby. It will be months before I can do that again.

This too shall pass...I am saying this with a big smile on my face. (and will fake the smile till it becomes real!)

The Neighbourly Neighbour

I didn't know whether to laugh or to feel insulted when my casual helper told me about her encounter with one of my neighbours this morning. I decided to laugh in the end. It's quite neighbourly in a funny sort of way. Helper told me the neighbour asked her why she was going back early yesterday (the usual discourse opener) at her usual going home time which is 4.00pm. Of course, being the chatterbox that she is, Helper told Neighbour that it was not that early, and plus "Mrs ada di rumah" (my employer is at home).

Neighbour, naturally took that as a cue to satisfy her curiousity of why the two cars in my house have been in the garage/parked in the driveway for the past few days. "Mrs ada operation itu hari" (my employer had an operation the other day), said Helper to Neighbour. Surprised, Neighbour asked what operation was that. Confidently, Helper told her that "Mrs ada ketumbuhan dekat tembuni" (my employer had a growth near the placenta)...I looked at her, and said, "kau salah cakap sudah itu, bukan tembuni, ovari. Tembuni ada bila ada baby dalam perut saja" (what you said was wrong, it's not placenta, it's the ovary. Placenta exists only when one is pregnant). She looked puzzled, but too excited to finish her story, didn't really pay attention to my correction. I decided to let her be. Who knows what interesting tale will go around in the neighborhood in the next few days? The neighbourly neighbour told Helper she would visit me later...I hope very much later when I feel up to entertaining visitors:)

Anyway, I told Hubby about the story, and we laughed over how by the next few days, words would have already spread that the mrs of hse no 7 had had an operation due to...and possibly they would say an unusual pregnancy, or all sort of things that are related to the word 'tembuni'. Hubby jokingly said they must be thinking that we have lost our jobs after seeing the cars being idle for 10 days, which was exactly my thought. Anyway, "it's a neighbour thing to want to know what's going on with the next doors, and what easier way to pry than talking to the helpers? You'd be wondering too were you in their shoes", he said. Well, maybe. After all, that's what a neighbourly neihgbour does, huh? I'm still working on being one though. Having been a not very sociable person in the past few years (perhaps I was younger and less wiser ;)), it must be high time for me to change.

Slipping Through My Fingers

*Sigh*. Having 'too much' time on your hands could be disastrous. Especially when you know that those are only borrowed time. That is exactly what is going on with me now. I am on the 4 weeks of medical leave that I, at first, welcomed. The welcome wears out after barely a week. Each time I curl up on the settee with a good book, comes the nagging feeling that I am neglecting my work. And yet I can't bring myself to start working from home. Instead, I spend time reading through favourite blogs.

Stumbled upon Gunaqz's today. Her title, 'slipping through my fingers' brings back old memories of sending up the kids to school for the first time and feeling like a seasoned mom. It also evokes a feeling of how everything seems to be slipping through my fingers of late. Especially my good health. Post tumor-removal operation, I had a bad gastric that I thought was due to the medicine. But a check-up at the doctor revealed that the culprit was a gall-bladder stone. I realized on that day that I'd forever be having this problem, and only by watching my diet I'd feel normal again. Hmm...I've been trying to watch my diet in the past two years, quite unsuccessfully perhaps, but I tried my best. But when I was told that it's either watch my diet or have the constant pain, I felt like screaming "unfair"! Why don't I have a choice? Now that I am calmer, I know that I just have to accept and bear this with a big smile on my face. My good health might be slipping through my fingers, but it shouldn't stop me from enjoying life in ways I can, shouldn't it?

Happy Father's Day

To all fathers, "Happy Father's Day". Seemingly under-appreciated as compared to mothers, fathers are an equally important part of the family structure. And so in appreciation of fathers (especially the father of my children), I took the time to find these beautiful verses:

Fathers can be solitary mountains,
All their love rock-like, steep, and strong.
Though warm and caring, somehow they belong
Halfway home to mothers' bubbling fountains.
Each of us needs love that knows no quarter,
Reminding us of bonds that cross a border,
Strengthening our sense of right and wrong.
(here this site.)

What Makes a Dad

God took the strength of a mountain,
The majesty of a tree,
The warmth of a summer sun,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The generous soul of nature,
The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of the eagle's flight,
The joy of a morning in spring,
The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity,
The depth of a family need,
Then God combined these qualities,
When there was nothing more to add,
He knew His masterpiece was complete,
And so,

He called it ... Dad

~~Author Unknown.~~ (here)

Only a Dad

Only a dad with a tired face,
Coming home from the daily race,
Bringing little of gold or fame
To show how well he has played the game;
But glad in his heart that his own rejoice
To see him come and to hear his voice.
Only a dad with a brood of four,
One of ten million men or more
Plodding along in the daily strife,
Bearing the whips and the scorns of life,
With never a whimper of pain or hate,
For the sake of those who at home await.
Only a dad, neither rich nor proud,
Merely one of the surging crowd,
Toiling, striving from day to day,
Facing whatever may come his way,
Silent whenever the harsh condemn,
And bearing it all for the love of them.
Only a dad but he gives his all,
To smooth the way for his children small,
Doing with courage stern and grim
The deeds that his father did for him.
This is the line that for him I pen:
Only a dad, but the best of men.
Author Unknown
(here)

Thankfulness

12 June 2011- I'm back home, after a seemingly long ordeal, which actually lasted only a few hours. I had my ovarian tumor removed at Sabah Medical Centre on 10 June 2011, 12pm. The decision to have it removed wasn't easy for me to make. I worried about the after effects on my life. It was a shock for me. Imagine only knowing in April that I have that thing inside me. Well, I shouldn't have been surprised. In 1995 when I was 22, I had my damaged right ovary removed of multiple cysts, and had been fairly warned of the possibility of recurrent on the other ovary. I've been warned of other things too, like the possibility of not being able to conceive. 16 years later, I am thankful that I have three beautiful children with a wonderful man I love with all my heart.

Anyway, after going through the first operation in 1995, and the c-section of my last child in 2003, I've told myself I've had enough of needles, knife and blood-things I'm most scared of. But apparently one doesn't get to choose what kind of trials one wants to go through in life. And I was handed this one again. I was scared and I felt so helpless when I found out in April that the tumor was growing. It was even scarier that it did not even cause me tremendous pain. It's as if it was not there, but actually it was. So after three consultations with three doctors, I decided that the only way to have my peace of mind again was by having it removed.

I had been warned of two possibilities: 1) that the tumor was benign and I could save part of the ovary, 2) that it was possibly malignant and I'd have to have the whole thing removed. Of course I'd been worried sick. Who wouldn't? It was especially worrying to think that having no ovary would make me menopausal...and at 38. Through the internet, I read about other people's experiences with the same thing...and sad to say the more I read, the more scared I got. Most people seemed to have bad things to report.

Then I started talking to family and friends, and slowly regained my courage. I asked them to pray for me, regardless of their faith, because I believe that the Maker listens to every sincere prayer. And I started feeling much better.

On 10.06.2011, as the nice nurses wheeled me off to the operating theater, I had a moment of panic, but I managed to stay calm. Before the doctor performed the procedure, he did a final scan, and told me honestly that the tumor 'looked bad'. I begged him to take care of me and to cut off only the necessary bit. He reassured me that he would do his best to take care of me, but asked me to give him the 1% possibility of having to remove the whole thing if he had to. With a heavy heart, I said 'yes' to him, praying in my heart that it wouldn't come to that.

After 3pm, as I regained consciousness, the first question that came to mind was "did I get to keep my ovary?". I waited impatiently for the doctor to come. When he did, and told me yes I still have part of my ovary, I was overjoyed. It didn't matter when he told me that the operation was more complicated than what he initially thought, because of the delicate position of the tumor. It didn't matter that I had to be on the table for over an hour. All that matter was that I still have part of my ovary! Thank you Dr.K, you're my hero.

And all I want to offer today is thankfulness. Thank you to everyone who has prayed for me, and who has wished me well. It has helped me to survive this ordeal. I'm on my way to full recovery.

If ages were exam grades

The little son is now 7 going 8. Naturally his perception of things expands. And ever so full of surprising observation.

"Mom, you are a D", he said out of the blue one day. "Huh?", I looked at him with obvious puzzle. "Yes, you are a D. A D is in between 35 to 39. Sandra, Arielle and me are all an F". When all of them laughed, I realized that he was talking of age in terms of exam grades. "Oh, so what would Daddy be then", I asked him playfully. "He is the only one of the family that got a pass grade. He's a C", he said confidently. The sisters scowled at him, obviously disagreeing. "No, Daddy is still only a D+", one of the sisters said. And they went on and on arguing about Daddy's age grade...

If only life is measured in terms of exam grades...But in some ways it makes sense. When you are an A, you would have lived a long life, have experienced all the things that one your age should have experienced, and is full of wisdom. Many might not get to be that age. In that sense, being a D is not too bad. Perhaps not very wise yet, but harvesting wisdom along the way. If I get to be a B next time, I would definitely celebrate...

My new gadget

My i-pad 2. I've been coveting this one for months. Not particularly technology-savvy, I don't normally care much for new gadgets. But this one, I really felt that I have to have it. In my imagination, this thing will be useful to me in many ways. For one thing, there are times when I have to attend a formal function involving vvips, and that means having to wait a long time for their arrival. What could be more useful than an i-pad in such circumstances? Besides, the size is perfect for me who just can't bear straining my eyes looking at tiny screens. Because of its perfect size, it fits in my handbag beautifully. I can take it anywhere, anytime. Most of all, I can access all the e-books I want to read, and read comfortably. Yay! I don't have to buy so many books anymore (we'll see if this one works as well as I imagine it to be)