"Story of Appreciation"

Once in a while, we all receive this kind of forwards in our inbox. Some, like this one, touch our heart so, that we feel we have to share them to others. This one is from my cousin brother, Geyouse :):

One young academically excellent person went to apply for a managerial position in a big company.

He passed the first interview; the director did the last interview, made the last decision.
The director discovered from the CV, that the youth's academic result is excellent all the way, from the secondary school until the postgraduate research, never was a year he did not score.
The director asked, "Did you obtain any scholarship in school?" and the youth answered "none".
The director asked, " Is it your father who paid for your school fees?" the youth answered, my father passed away when I was one year old, it is my mother who paid for my school fees.
The director asked, " Where did your mother work?" the youth answered, my mother worked as a cloth cleaner. The director requested the youth to show his hand, the youth showed a pair of hand that were smooth and perfect to the director.

The director asked, " Did you ever help your mother wash the clothes before?" The youth answered, never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books, furthermore, my mother can wash clothes faster than me.The director said, I have a request, when you go back today, go and help to clean your mother's hand, and then see me tomorrow morning.
The youth felt that as the chance of landing the job is high, when he went back, he happily wanted to clean his mother's hand, his mother felt strange, happy but mixed with fear, she showed her hands to the kid.
The youth cleaned his mother's hand slowly, his tears dropped down as he did that. It is the first time he found his mother's hands so wrinkled, and there are so many bruises in her hand. Some bruises incite pains so strong that shiver his mother's body when cleaned with water.

This is the first time the youth realized and experienced that it is this pair of hand that washed the cloth everyday to earn him the school fees, the bruises in the mother's hand is the price that the mother paid for his graduation and academic excellence and probably his future.

After finishing the cleaning of his mother hand, the youth quietly cleaned all remaining clothes for his mother. That night, mother and son talked for a very long time.

Next morning, the youth went to the director's office.
The director noticed the tear in the youth's eye, asked: “Can you tell what have you done and learned yesterday in your house?"
The youth answered, " I cleaned my mother's hand, and also finished cleaning all the remaining clothes'
The director asked, “please tell me your feeling."

The youth said :
Number 1, I knew what is appreciation, without my mother, there would not the successful me today.
Number 2, I knew how to work together with my mother, then only I can realize how difficult and tough to get something done.
Number 3, I knew the importance and value of family relationship.
The director said, " This is what I am asking, I want to recruit a person that can appreciate the help of other, a person that knew the suffering of others to get thing done, and a person that would not put money as his only goal in life to be my manager. You are hired.

Later on, this young person worked very hard, and received the respect of his subordinates, every employees worked diligently and in a team, the company's result improved tremendously.

A child who had been protected and habitually given whatever he did, he developed "entitlement mentality" and always put himself first. He is ignorant of his parent's effort. When he started work, he assumed every people must listen to him, and when he became a manager, he would never know how suffering his employee and always blame others. For this kind of people, he can have good result, may be successful for a while, but eventually would not feel sense of achievement, he will grumble and full of hatred and fight for more. If we are this kind of protective parent, did we love the kid or destroy the kid?

You can let your kid live in a big house, eat a good meal, learn piano, watch a big screen TV. But when you are cutting grass, please let them experience it. After a meal, let them wash their plate and bowl together with their brothers and sisters. It is not because you do not have money to hire a maid, but it is because you want to love them in a right way. You want them to understand, no matter how rich their parents are, one day their hair will grow grey, same as the mother of that young person.

The most important thing is your kid learn how to appreciate the effort and experience the difficulty and learn the ability to work with others to get things done.

and with age, comes responsibility...

I turned 37 last week. It feels good to have reached this age. I'd love to say the extra inches around my waist represent wisdom that can only be attained through age...but alas, it's not true. Aging doesn't mean that one is free to be unhealthy, or that one is wiser than those who are younger...

Although it is indeed true that with age comes EXTRA responsibility. This year I really feel that at work. Gone were the days when my friends and I could go to have a hair cut or a facial on impulse at lunch time and always ended up having a long lunch hour. As a result, we always had to go back past office hours to finish our work. Looking back, I'd call it bad time management- just because the job allows flexi-hours, one shouldn't be too careless about time management. That, I realize now.

This year I attended 90% of the non-compulsory seminars at work, just because suddenly there are so many juniors in need of encouragement and feedback when they present their papers. Having been in their shoes, I know how it feels to present a conference paper for the first time. A little moral support from the seniors always helps to boost one's confidence. And so, in the spirit of solidarity, I find myself attending every presentation whenever I am at the office building. This sense of responsibility must be because of my age...

I am less impulsive; I am more appreciative of everyone and everything I have; I am less ambitious; and I like my job more and more...regardless of the extra responsibility that age brings :)

When loathe consumes...

I wouldn't call my workplace 'rosy', but nor would I call it 'horrible'. Having been working there for 12 years, I'd describe it as 'normal' with all its ups and downs, occasional frustration and disappointment, as well as good times. All because the staff is made up of people of various cultural background, experiences and expectations.

When I joined my unit, there were less than ten staff members. We were mostly fresh graduates with very little experiences dealing with life and work. Yet we survived. Those first years were spent building the institution, figuratively speaking. We had to deal with material preparations, admin work like finding and managing part time tutors to teach our students whose number grew every semester, teaching, apart from trying to live an academic life of doing research, presenting and writing the research. Despite all those, never once did I feel that we couldn't do our job. We've been a good team even though we were not perfect. Yes, we made our mistakes but we learned. And moved on...or so I thought.

Never once did I imagine that one fine day someone's past imperfections could be dug up, chronologized (almost) and paraded for the public in the name of loathe. But it happened. Somebody, using the pseudonym, Concerned Citizens, wrote a very venomous letter to the editor in one of the local dailies yesterday, vividly describing the failures of my unit in the year 2000. In short, the insinuation was that the unit staff members were (and still are) self-interested; mostly in making $$$ when they should concentrate on doing their job dedicatedly. No names mentioned, but a lot of little hints given, suggesting that the attack was meant for a certain person of the unit, although very strangely, towards the end of the letter the attack became more bizarre and the failures and names of the top management people were also included.

As I read the letter over and over again, I can only feel pity for the writer. It is obvious to me that the person is consumed by abject loathing. I could almost see venom oozing out of the letter. A person who wrote to the public to list other people's failings from ten years ago could only mean revenge. Perhaps they would never stop till their target, which is to ruin, is achieved. Perhaps the abject loathing is a result of insecurity and inferiority, or jealousy...I say a little prayer for the writer...may love shine in their heart, for when loathe consumes oneself, I imagine life must be a constant misery.

Don't judge a book by its cover

This morning my front tyre was running out of air. As I tried to pump it at a petrol station, I noticed that it looked very very flat, as if it has punctured. I tried miserably for a few minutes inflating it; to no avail. I looked around helplessly, realizing my biggest handicap of not knowing how to change a flat tyre.

I spotted somebody parked behind me. Quietly I observed him. He looked fierce...and unfriendly. I hesitated whether I should approach him to ask for help or go get help from someone else from the station's shop. Since he was closest, I decided that it had to be him (Thank god I had my sunglasses on, so if he were to answer me nastily, I wouldn't feel too embarrased!). I knocked on his car, and asked if he could tell whether my tyre was punctured or whether it could still be saved. He grumbled (and I braced myself for verbal attack...), went out of his car and headed to mine. He took the air hose from me, said something about the tyre not being punctured, and started adjusting the machine. Seconds later, he had my tyre fully inflated and I felt kind of silly. I thanked him proffesionally (or so I hoped), being careful not to smile because he looked like the kind who wouldn't appreciate an unnecessary smile. He responded accordingly, with a curt nod and went back to his car.

Well, I said, he might looked grim and unhappy but he did help me without question. So all in all, he was still a good samaritan. And I reminded myself again- never judge a book by its cover.

guide to a better life

Found this in my inbox this morning. A friend took the time to share something wonderful, and I thought I'd share it too. Blessed be the person who wrote this for others to learn from:

1. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about. 2. Don't have negative thought on things you cannot control. Instead, invest your energy in the positive present moment. 3. Don't overdo; keep your limits. 4. Don't take yourself so seriously; no one else does. 5. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip. 6. Dream more while you are awake. 7. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need. 8. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner of his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness. 9. Life is too short to waste hating anyone; don't hate others. 10. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present. 11. No one is in-charge of your happiness except you. 12. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. 13. Smile and laugh more. 14. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
13.

The Rubber Band andThe Wave

John Gray again :-) (Men are from Mars, women are from Venus). I find the comparisons a bit weird in the beginning but they made sense after reading his explanation:

Men = rubber bands

They can't love like women, which is basically "forever". In loving, men go through a cycle of getting close, pulling away, and then getting close again. This pulling away, according to Gray, is men's means to fulfill their needs for independence, them being the "in-control" Martians. Without the pulling away phase, they get depleted, and won't be able to give love as the women do. Why rubber band? Because when a man pulls away, it's like a rubber band that, when fully stretched away, will instantly springs back, and full of love again. When he has satisfied his needs for independence, he would be able to give his loving once again...

Women= waves

Their self-esteems rise like waves when they feel loved. The good feeling helps them to reach the peak, but like waves crashing down, their mood can change ocassionally. This change is temporary though. Once the wave hits the bottom, (i.e the woman feels empty, unloved and...negative...in short), it rises up automatically again. Gray says this stage happens around the same time that a woman has her PMS (no in-depth studies on this though)...and it makes sense.

Best advice Gray gives to women: Don't panic when your man pulls away. Give him time to regain his sense of indipendence, of being in control. He'll naturally come back when he has had his 'recharge'. In other way, trying to force him to be loving when he is not in the right mood will only suffocate him and make him stressed out.

And to men: when the wave hits the bottom, don't try to fix it, i.e by giving advice. At this stage, what your woman needs is a shoulder to cry on, a pair of listening ears, someone to unload all her worries and concerns. A man might get confused though, because most of the time it would be the same old issues and worries that make the woman feel down. But that's how it is. She just needs to 'unload'. When she feels that she has been listened to well, she feels loved, and she will rise to the peak again.

Hmm...complicated. When the rubber band needs to stretch and the wave hits the bottom at the same time? That's when fights occur. So, Gray says, it is important to realize this...the woman should find close girl friends instead to unload. Because who better than girlfriends that can understand a woman? Good advice...

Child labour: oppresion or humanity?

At this time of the year when Hari Raya is around the corner, the roads in Kota Kinabalu are almost impossible to pass through. Having spent an hour on the road from the office to my children's school (which, in normal driving time would only be 25 minutes) to pick them up today, (besides I needed to get the kuih rayas I ordered from the school canteen. In the spirit of the festive season, I feel like celebrating too), I decided to detour and took the children for lunch somewhere quiet, near Jalan Lintas.

I didn't realize it at first, but very soon I noticed that the restaurant was full of little servers, ranging from about 8 to 14 years of age. They look- sorry to say this- but they do look like illegal immigrants, which are abundant in Sabah. The boss of the restaurant had to shout orders to them a few times; obviously their mastery of Malay is still quite limited.

They scurried around together from table to table whenever one of them had to serve customers, looking scared and confused. Once I heard the boss say "mau ambil satu order pun mau beikut-ikut kah" (Even taking an order you have to go in group?). And they just stared at the boss blankly, perhaps not understanding what he said.

It occured to me that they might have been forced to look for employment in the name of survival. And I remember a newspaper article in a local daily early in this year about how children (teenagers) of illegal immigrants in the particular area are marrying and breeding like rabbits. I looked at them and felt so bad. Why oh why this phenomenon must exist in this world? People have to live in a place as illegal immigrants, make do with surviving day to day, deprived from education and the basic comforts of life.

It is generally believed that child labour is a form of opression, but in this case, is it really? It seems to me that there is an element of being humane in it...at least giving the hungry kids some food to eat, if not letting them earn some money, no matter how meagre for their family.

I wish the world doesn't have to be like this...